Dearest,

Thinking to myself after going through it, some soul-searching and acceptance of my faults, my own crimes, instances in which I have caused pain and unhappiness, times I have been neglectful:

At some point, each and every one of us has to come to terms with our own selfishness, the hitherto insurmountable mountains of it; climbing to recognition and acceptance, heights which threaten our ability to ever rediscover the “solid” ground of what was false projections of personality. You lose yourself beating yourself up. (Or other people beat you up.) Nevertheless no one is perfect and that is okay and Jesus made it known when he said, “Cast the first stone…” Imperfection affects us all but hopefully, we learn from it and CHANGE! It is very important that we acknowledge our imperfections and that we are aware of our weaknesses in being so selfish, for the sake of every other creature and creation in this universe. No one is supreme. We must all share. What touches one will touch another and another and so on till all have felt it someway. So everything must be cleansed so that we can all be better, progress. Guilt washed out of the fibers of one’s being by loosening our desperate hope of opacity. (Fear of shame: You did something bad and you didn’t want anyone to know because you were worried they would chain you to a table in the basement and beat you bloody for hours while you screamed and cried and pleaded and begged and no one came when you were five years old and there remain no words to describe what was done to you.) But forgiveness is the other side of remorse’s gate. Perhaps freedom comes from coming to terms with what we have been and what we have been through.

Love and (as a friend named A writes) light,

O

and peace and safety and sagacity and protection, you are covered in holy melted gold.

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